Actually, it was the hurt and grief over the separation that had converted these former lovers into bitter rivals. People hurt tremendously after a divorce. If we were to speak about the causative factors for the deep grief we would be left fumbling for words for not knowing where to begin. Every aspect in life proves to be a source of much sorrow, like reduced money, absence of children, dissevering of relationships, etc. Dreams of a life together lie shattered.
The pain is so severe, that people seek varied means to escape it. Escaping Hurt by Remarrying 75% of divorced people in the UK seek only one way out of this deep pain. They remarry. Unfortunately, the failure rate of a second time marriage is quite high and it also fails much faster than the first marriage. So once again after a brief spell of dating, remarriage and subsequent divorce, people are back to where they began.
This time they might probably be experiencing double the grief. Two factors are responsible for the high failure rate of second marriages. People who remarry within two years of their divorce are usually saddled with undealt emotional baggage. They have hardly recouped.
Marriages fail to stand on such poor foundation. Another factor is the presence of children in the family. Plenty of conflict-filled situations crop up and many fail to handle these difficult times. In the hurried frenzy to tie the marital knot again, majority of the people fail to perceive the many wonders of solitary living. A Solitary Life A life lived solitarily brims with promises and opportunities - a fact which is not recognised by many divorced people.
Troubled times create strong and confident individuals. A single life entails lots of time which can be constructively used for furthering the unfulfilled ambitions of life. The value of this post divorce period can be realised only if people take time to heal themselves first.
They should first learn to accept the difficulties of the situation and make effort to let go of the grief. Instead of concentrating on the self, if they jump headlong into a second marriage, they merely replace the old set of problems with new. This is a difficult period and diverting the mind at this time is necessary. Diverting the Mind and Seeking Help Life becomes more fulfilling if people indulge in activities they like most. Travelling fills one with joy.
Physically leaving the old place and going to newer places helps in forgetting the past. Yoga and meditation help relax tense muscles. Going out on shopping sprees, partying with friends are a few of the other diversions that reduces stress. These activities help mitigate grief to a great extent. However, if the deep pain appears to be consistent with no reduction in the intensity, the professional help of counsellors has to be sought. Divorce counsellors teach couples how to handle such hidden pains and lead life peacefully.
Healing this way benefits the children too. They thrive in a peaceful domestic situation and begin looking at their parents as role models. Counselling sessions are so helpful that even couples who had divorced long back are availing the services of these professionals.
Life after divorce is undoubtedly difficult, especially if the spouse has left without giving any prior hint or indication. It is a deep blow that has to be handled carefully in a planned manner. One should first learn to accept the new found single status and accept the ensuing grief as a natural process of healing. Living through the pain helps people emerge stronger.
They will soon realise that just like everything else in life, even this period was transitory in nature. After the intense emotions are under control, the emerging opportunities of single life can be put to good use. This is a period of developmental growth and change. This period can turn one into a mature and successful adult.
Remarriage at this juncture is bound to be a success. Reference: http://www.divorceinfo.
com/remarriage.htm http://topten.org/public/BO/BO73.html http://www.
marriagemissions.com/married_again/dont_even_think.php http://www.about-the-web.com/shtml/reports/esteem_after_divorce.
shtml http://www.google.com/search?complete=1&hl=en&q=divorce+counseling&aq=t&oq=divorce+c http://www.actsweb.org/articles/article.
php?i=45&d=1&c=3&p=1 http://scholar.lib.vt.edu/VA-news/VA-Pilot/issues/1996/vp960317/03130047.htm.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com
